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“Toxic Masculinity” What is up with this beef?

Call me old fashioned, but I come from an era where things used to make sense. Boys grew up to become men (or, at least older boys, haha) and girls grew up to become women. Men were revered in society for being the breadwinners and protectors of the family. Their physical strength and pride led them off to battle to protect their countries. And their soft hearts and charisma could win over their wives on a regular basis. When did it become a power struggle between men and women? And what the hell is toxic masculinity?

Log onto Facebook or spend enough time on Youtube and you will be bombarded by pure hatred for men. Articles are popping up on how men are no longer necessary except to provide the seed for making new people… wait… What!? This topic gets me so angry that I didn’t even know where to begin when writing this. 

In what ways is society degrading men?

Toxic Masculinity – not even a real thing

The Urban Dictionary defines Masculinity as follows: The properties characteristic of the male sex. The trait of behaving in ways considered typical for men.

So what the hell is typical behavior for men? A little excerpt from Wikipedia sums it up like this: “Standards of manliness or masculinity vary across different cultures and historical periods. Traits traditionally viewed as masculine in Western society include strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness.

Machismo is a form of masculinity that emphasizes power and is often associated with a disregard for consequences and responsibility. Virility is similar to masculinity, but especially emphasizes strength, energy, and sex drive.” Imagine that… All the traits in a man that I am attracted to.

The Urban Dictionary also defines Toxic Masculinity as this: “A social science term that describes narrow repressive type ideas about the male gender role, that defines masculinity as exaggerated masculine traits like being violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive, and so forth.” I call this “being an Ass-hole.” Don’t for one second tell me that women don’t sometimes show these exact traits… but we don’t talk about that, shhhhh. 

The feminist movement has jumped on the bandwagon with this toxic masculinity term and has labeled every man to contain toxic masculinity if he shows the slightest hint of his true self and his natural masculinity. 

Man: I want to provide for my family.

Feminist: He is an oppressor and wants to belittle his wife by earning more money than she does.

Man: I need to stand up for myself and my family, and what I believe in.

Feminist: He is aggressive, abusive and a danger to society and his family.

Man: I want to lead my family in the right direction and take on the burden of major decisions.

Feminist: He is overpowering his wife and dominating the household.

Dear feminists, I am all for women’s rights, Go Us! But you’re doing it wrong. Fighting for one’s rights by belittling and shaming the other’s is not how it should be done and it’s making all of us women look bad. (Thanks a lot) 
Anyone can be an A-hole, regardless of their gender. Aggression and anger is not only a male trait. Emotionally unavailable people come in all forms as well. So to label these traits as being specific to masculinity is totally incorrect, unfair and blatantly biased.

In my opinion, these so-called feminists are big bullies who they themselves are showing an incredible amount of toxic behavior. They are trying to dominate all men and force them to be, well, women. Not only that, they are calling for all women to step up and change to become, well, men.

Women don’t NEED men – oh please

Technically, nobody should ever NEED anyone. Technically we don’t NEED a car, but it sure as hell makes life easier. I often wonder if any of these loud-mouthed feminists have husbands. A shallow husk of the man he once was. So dominated and oppressed by his wife that he dare not speak about his inner man that is dying to be released. Wishing that one day he could somehow get to her handbag and reclaim his balls. I also wonder how the sons of these women are being raised? It is my experience that an oppressed or insecure person will show more “toxic masculinity” than anyone else.

How terrible it must feel to have your loved one tell you that they don’t need you. I can only imagine how unappreciated that person would feel. I have first-hand experience from women who claim to never need a man but have called to borrow mine when they needed some handymen stuff done around the house. So, if you don’t want a man in your life, sure enough, just make sure that you are a competent enough woman to do it all yourself.

I’ve been a single mom before, and I aced it! But that’s not the life I wanted. I wanted to share my life with a man. I agree that a strong enough woman does not need a man, but that doesn’t mean that she cannot want a man in her life and that men should be labeled as useless because of this. I don’t ever hear of men openly saying “Men don’t NEED women” and being praised by society for this way of thinking. They would be raked over the coals, called out for their overbearing toxic masculinity and would probably lose their jobs.

Men and women are wired differently, that is a scientific fact and it cannot be changed. In general, men are physically stronger and more competitive than women. They are logical thinkers by nature and solve problems differently to women. Why is this a bad thing? Why is society forcing us, women, to become more like this? I happen to love being a woman and I don’t like being shamed for embracing what makes me a woman. I WANT to be a homemaker. I WANT to be a mother. I WANT to be madly in love with my partner and make him feel special. But according to a feminist, this somehow makes me weak? Overall, I am a strong and independent woman… when I need to be. The relationship that my partner and I have is based on mutual respect, love, and trust. I respect him for his masculinity and allow him to be himself, just as he does for me. I believe that a strong woman needs an even stronger man (the feminist gasps in shock and disgust) because I know that I will lose all respect for a man that I can walk all over. Yes, been there, done that!

Fathers are obsolete – I call bullshit

This one really gets to me. My father passed away on August 31st, 2014. To date, it was the single most painful day of my life. Calling fathers obsolete is a disgrace to his name and to all fathers everywhere. Who the hell do these people think they are?

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home with 2 loving parents. Both my mother and my father were integral parts of my upbringing and one did not play a larger role than the other. They each taught me different things and both helped to mold me into the beautiful person I am today. I can only assume that the people who make these outrageous claims never grew up with a loving father in their lives. You can’t miss what you never had, I get that, but don’t degrade all those daddies out there who did and are doing an incredible job just because you have unresolved daddy issues.

Yes, a happy and well-rounded child can be brought up without a father. But a happy and well-rounded child can also be brought up without a mother. Take this even further, there are many people in this world who lead perfectly happy lives that grew up in orphanages having had no mother or father. But is society saying “Parents are obsolete” or “Moms are obsolete” of course not.

I guess I just don’t understand what the point of openly viewing these horrifically belittling statements is supposed to achieve. If you want to be a single mom, a single dad, a dual-gender partnership or a single-gender partnership, it shouldn’t make a difference as long as your kids are happy and being raised with good morals, etc. Is the world hoping that all women will eventually rise up against the male population and overthrow them to have an all-female utopia? Certainly seems that way (no thanks, not for me.)

At the end of the day, I just don’t see how it is fair for feminists at large to make these accusations against men without any repercussions.  They are calling for equality, but what they are really saying is empower the woman and oppress the man, which, in my opinion, is a ticking time bomb for the ripple effect that this will have on society. What messages are we sending to the next generation of men we are raising?

Just to clear something up, I 100% agree with equality among the sexes and I used to think that’s what feminism was all about. But today, the feminist movement can pretty much say whatever they want, and they do! Even if it’s lies and hate speech. Anyone who stands against them is shamed, belittled and degraded, even if you are a woman… this is not something I would ever want to be a part of. 

Hi, my name is Melissa, and I am a masculinist


If you are a feminist or person who still respects men for who and what they are and you are fighting for equality without the shaming of men, this article is in no way aimed at you. It is aimed at those in society who quite simply hate men and are trying to get the rest of us to feel the same way.

Mom, stepmom, and life partner. Everything else comes second <3


  • Rich

    Loved this article Milly. In Australia they have even trialled specific reserved parking spot for ladies , so that they can park close to entrances of shops etc. Personally, I don’t actually have an issue with any of this. The only issue I have , is this… Reverse the scenario…. Have reserved parking spaces for men…. And watch what happens. Kaboom. In the workplace it’s easy for a lady to stay home sick and nurse a sick child. Whoah, try stay home as a man to nurse a sick child. On that very issue, an ex boss was heard saying …. Jeremy needs to decide if he wants the job or not because he needs to be here 5 days a week. The insinuation was that it’s ok for a lady to be off work, bit not for a man. Did I find the discrimination nywlef in the work place, yes , many times.

  • Chanzie

    Great post Milly 🙂 it is sad this anti-men movement that is going on at the moment. I understand the abusive behaviors being called out and shamed, but to generalise and all the hate-speech stuff is unnecessary.

    • Melissa Sterckx

      That’s exactly it, Chanzie. I don’t agree with generalizing any group of people for any reason. Don’t dare label my father, partner, and sons out there with those who murder and rape.

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